Cyrus is a cashier at (and, apparently, the sole employee of) the unnamed game shop. Despite its name, the store normally has no relation to “the void,” and instead serves as a blablabla oh my GOD Cy, you can’t just ask me to type your entire page and then drop a novel on me. You have a life and funds and everything, right? Go get a computer that isn’t just a glorified calculator and USE IT. Here, look, I’ll even put in a bunch of placeholder text. All you have to do is replace the words! Nice and easy.

Hello, I am Cyrus, and I talk a lot.

I’m supposed to be “the quiet one,” but apparently once I get started on the store or whatever, I am unstoppable. Even Valerie thinks it’s a lot! It’s only been, what, under 30 minutes, and I’m already speculating on the origins of the game store and world and everything that has nothing to do with me. I really love talking about stuff that we’ve established doesn’t matter!

Actually, here’s a better, truer origin story!

Once upon a time there were three people stuck in a broken little box. No one knew that the box was broken, though, because the box was all they knew!

One day, some random little prick came along, kicked the box over, and everyone had an existential crisis. The end!

See, isn’t that much shorter than… whatever they’re rattling on about, now? Okay, okay, I get it! Taste of my own medicine. At this point I think I could just start smashing the keyboard and they wouldn’t notice whatsoever.

Oh well.

Let’s skip to something more exciting, shall we?