self-critique for the soul

self-crit for the soul

thoughts on angles, composition, and other “DVD” commentary, ft. chicken-scratch handwriting

[page 1]

• first panel was changed because the hand pulling back was unclear (back or forward?), but I like it angle-wise—[Joce’s] POV, [downshot]
  • [This could theoretically still work in motion, but since it’s not in motion, it’s gotta go.]
• [second panel] was supposed to be an upshot, finished background threw it off
  • [point of the panel:] KL looking up at J, who’s distant/not fully facing her
  • BG wasn’t suuuper necessary tbh
• 2 beats [at the end]: Joce dramatically monologuing, humorous interruption
  • flat angle works for humor, kinda meh on the first [preceding panel]?
  • more closed in?
  • [alternate version is] still flat—front-on, just to make it not repeat the previous?
  • [another alternate version] not even facing viewer? ~mysterious~

[page 2]

• [page] goal: Joce is obviously bluffing—she’s not actually watching anyone (hence full focus on her last page), & no one is trying to attack first.
• [first panel is an] establishing shot—kinda plain? I like J+KL being “framed”/closed-in, though
  • zooming out makes them smaller, but [I’m] not fond of the setting emphasis
  • fudging J+KL’s proximity to the outside [in a third version], but J looks more closed-in, hmm
    • this [curve formed by the setting] also guides [the eye] down nicely to next panel
• [middle row, panel] 1: KL looks outside. Meh—does the job, kinda plain?
  • more J’s POV? with or w/o J on the side
  • actually show people?
• [middle row, panel] 2: I like this, still—J looks small, KL’s kinda side-eyeing her. (could tweak dialogue to make stuttering more intentional, tho—)
• [middle row, panel] 1: J lost in thought, [panel] 2: KL interrupts again, now physically
  • this one’s fine—J sandwiched between KL + own dialogue—1 can be similar to sell the beat?
  • idk it could be a close-up [on the left]. tight focus.

[page 3]

• [in thumbnails, Joce] was turned away? not sure why that changed—more clearly defensive now?
• kinda wondering if it’d be good to keep not showing KL’s face clearly [in the top row]? J’s not really looking at her yet.
• This [corner panel] changed because Too Many Words—but I think the new one keeps J closed-in even more, which is good
• [Joce ignores KL + is closed-in by her dialogue should work] in contrast to [the middle row:] big & open—slower, visual “...what the fuck.”
• honestly I like this last part, nothin new to note.
• also this [last panel] is small/zoomed out for 2 reasons:
  • comedic beat, emphasizes J’s “WTH” expression next page
  • J isn’t really aware she’s staring like that. not all panels use this “what J’s paying attention to” idea, but I try to keep it in mind

[page 4, AKA] Important Handshake Page™

• this [upper third] is alright—focus is on the expressions & motion, anything too varied could distract from that
• This [last] row tho. gave me isssues.
  • angle was wonky when sketched out
    • idk it looked awkward in detail
    • entertained a side view—too similar [to the top panel] for no reason, didn’t want to focus on KL
  • wasn’t sure what J should be looking at
  • ended abruptly; would be more apparent with a new scene on the next page
  • original thought was [that] Joce was unsure why she gave KL her name, but that was kinda weird/tell-y. changed it to be more generically doubtful
• finished version:
  • condenses similar angle to less space, lets end line “linger”/“fade out”
  • J’s “Mhm” closes the exchange, instead of cutting on KL’s intro
  • vaguer end line = can mean a lot more (“[This] can’t [last]” why?)
• +KL’s left hand [being added to the handshake] was winged, the size difference is A Lot